This book is an extensive and thorough exploration of the ways in which the middle class in India select their spouse. Using the prism of matchmaking, this book critically unpacks the concept of the ‘modern’ and traces the importance of moralities and values in the making of middle class identities, by bringing to the fore intersections and dynamics of caste, class, gender, and neoliberalism. The author discusses a range of issues: romantic relationships among youth, use of online technology and of professional services like matrimonial agencies and detective agencies, encounters of love and heartbreak, impact of experiences of pain and humiliation on spouse-selection, and the involvement of family in matchmaking. Based on this comprehensive account, she elucidates how the categories of ‘love’ and ‘arranged’ marriages fall short of explaining, in its entirety and essence, the contemporary process of spouse-selection in urban India. Though the ethnographic research has been conducted in India, this book is of relevance to social scientists studying matchmaking practices, youth cultures, modernity and the middle class in other societies, particularly in parts of Asia. While being based on thorough scholarship, the book is written in accessible language to appeal to a larger audience. Jindal Global University, India. She was also a Visiting Scholar at St. Only valid for books with an ebook version.
Commentary: What Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking’ doesn’t tell you about arranged marriage
I can give her…95 marks out of It is reflective, sometimes painfully, of a custom with which we are all too familiar: arranged marriages. For desis, either your parents were arranged or you know a couple that was. Some people—yep, even millennials—willingly enter into arranged marriages, as seen on the new reality show.
The show confronts us with our own loneliness, presents marriage as a but the thing that makes arranged marriage inherently sinister (and.
While it is a regressive thought, and not the only one such in the show, Taparia shines light on a phenomenon quite prevalent across the social strata in India. Except the algorithm is decided by Taparia, the globe-trotting successful matchmaker from Mumbai. Of course, she is aided by her face reader, astrologer, and at times life coach.
But the Netflix show ends up glorifying all that is wrong with how Indians view the institution of marriage, often without context. For me, what stood out was how the show deals with three female clients of Sima Taparia. She is made to appear as obnoxious because she is sure of what she wants, a woman who is ambitious and is unwilling to compromise on the qualities she wants in a partner. Plus she is above Oh, and a lawyer too.
All of which as Simaji reminds us means fewer options for Aparna. She too is reminded that her options in arranged matchmaking are limited because of the above two conditions. Thankfully, she finds someone on her own, thanks to a dating app.
Matrix of arranged marriage
The Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia delivers this meme-friendly one-liner in the seventh episode of the hit Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. But she departs from this well-worn model in her attention to one extra characteristic: caste. This silent shadow hangs over every luxurious living room she leads viewers into.
The show is about eight adults and matchmaker Sima ‘Mami’ who has promised to find them their life partner. I spent my weekend like many others, binge-watching the new series Indian Matchmaking that premiered last week on Netflix. From the first few responses to the show on social media, I knew that I was supposed to hate the show, be outraged at matchmaker Sima, roll my eyes at prospective bride Aparna, and cringe at every statement prospective groom Akshay ever makes.
But if I were to be honest, that’s not exactly what happened. I was hooked to it though I was also going ‘yikes’ at frequent intervals. The show opens with an introduction to Preeti, who belongs to an affluent family, and is looking for a match for her younger son, year-old Akshay. As a woman in her lates, I watched on in amusement and horror as the show morphed into a Dilli Darlings meets Made in Heaven meets Dating Around.
And since Indian Matchmaking is actually about real people who are being documented, it’s somehow more unsettling. One could at least pretend that the reality presented in the other shows was exaggerated; but here, there’s no escape. Sima Mami really does go through her giant database of singles, and refers them to an astrologer and even a face reader, who decide whose Jupiter is in a good spot and whether Mars will allow the match to happen.
Image: Netflix. The series is real — some would call it cringe-worthy — and at the same time very discomfiting, as it shows almost every patriarchal stereotype that exists when it comes to urban upper-caste arranged marriages in India. Their expectations from an arranged marriage are not fictional, the characters on the show could be people you and I know. Several people have taken to social media to question why Netflix is providing a platform for a show that reveals regressive notions without calling these out for what they are.
Indian Matchmaking: Capitalising On The Arranged Marriage Market & Its Anxieties
And on social media, there is a raging storm over sexism, casteism, colourism and other isms. After all, alliances are not between individuals, but families. The son, no surprise, is looking for someone like mummy.
The matchmaker is often an elderly socialite who is liked and widely connected to many families. In some regions, specific.
Updated : 22 days ago. If you scoff at the very thought of arranged marriage and what all it entails, and consider it to be the most regressive concept on the earth; read no further. Moreover, you will be able to relate to this bunch of young men and women on the lookout for life partners. So women like Sima aunty, become as important as tying the nuptial knot. The series fleshes out a microcosm of Indian society, the upper class, both in India and foreign lands where despite dating apps and websites, Sima aunty has both rationale and reason to exist.
Of course, she exists in real life as exactly what is shown in the series as a high profile matchmaker Sima Taparia. Her clients too are real, sieved out of a list of Through her we meet a handsome jewellery designer in Mumbai, an ambitious woman lawyer in US, a Guyanese Indian origin woman and later in the series a divorcee, all looking for love and a life partner. The common thread is Sima aunty, who frets a bit, as we all want everything.
‘Indian Matchmaking’: The Dark Reality Behind Your Latest Netflix Binge
I was on the phone with my mother, who lives in Pune, India, complaining about Indian Matchmaking , when she brought up the marriage proposal. I knew she agreed. I scoffed.
Arranged marriage is one of the ways Indian families self-isolate within their own social classes and groups, entrenching age-old divisions.
This book is an extensive and thorough exploration of the ways in which the middle class in India select their spouse. Using the prism of matchmaking, this book critically unpacks the concept of the ‘modern’ and traces the importance of moralities and values in the making of middle class identities, by bringing to the fore intersections and dynamics of caste, class, gender, and neoliberalism. The author discusses a range of issues: romantic relationships among youth, use of online technology and of professional services like matrimonial agencies and detective agencies, encounters of love and heartbreak, impact of experiences of pain and humiliation on spouse-selection, and the involvement of family in matchmaking.
Based on this comprehensive account, she elucidates how the categories of ‘love’ and ‘arranged’ marriages fall short of explaining, in its entirety and essence, the contemporary process of spouse-selection in urban India. Though the ethnographic research has been conducted in India, this book is of relevance to social scientists studying matchmaking practices, youth cultures, modernity and the middle class in other societies, particularly in parts of Asia.
While being based on thorough scholarship, the book is written in accessible language to appeal to a larger audience. Jindal Global University, India. She was also a Visiting Scholar at St. Read more Read less. From the Back Cover This book is an extensive and thorough exploration of the ways in which the middle class in India select their spouse.
Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking’ Is The Talk Of India — And Not In A Good Way
To her surprise, the year-old met her future husband and is set to get married in January next year. Mumbai-based Anindita Dey—married for over a year now — also met her husband through her parents. However, Anindita makes it clear that while it was her parents who set up the meeting, the final decision was completely hers. Louis Superman, which she shared with Sami Khan.
Because Indian Matchmaking follows matchmaker Sima Taparia analysing families and boys and girls to find suitable matches.
That Indian Matchmaking has upset people across the spectrum is slightly baffling given we are a culture obsessed with arranged marriages.
Indian Matchmaking treads into dangerous territory when it allows Sima Taparia free rein to reinforce regressive methods of Indian matchmaking as undeniable fact. During the episode, Basra explained to Justin how she might have rushed into marriage, in part due to her Indian family pressuring her. How could I ever trust you? How could anyone ever trust you? The idea is very much to translate the aspirations, insecurities, and fixations of a community for a global audience unfamiliar with its beats.
The trouble is, over the course of eight abruptly structured episodes, Indian Matchmaking becomes an infuriating exercise in delusion, ending up doing exactly what it intended to rally against: exoticising a calculated, cultural practice that in reality is steeped in decades of misogyny, casteism, and gender inequality.
Her clientele, atleast the ones who feature on the show, seem to be exclusively upper-class and wealthy — a majority of them are in fact, non-resident Indians. By focusing only on these one-percenters, Indian Matchmaking, at the outset, makes the choice to remain blind to the realities of India, limiting its scope to a version of arranged marriage that is heavily sanitised and often comes with no real repercussions.
We Need to Talk About ‘Indian Matchmaking’
Arranged marriage is a tradition in the societies of the Indian subcontinent , and continue to account for an overwhelming majority of marriages in the Indian subcontinent. Arranged marriages are believed to have initially risen to prominence in the Indian subcontinent when the historical Vedic religion gradually gave way to classical Hinduism the ca. The Indian subcontinent has historically been home to a wide variety of wedding systems. Some were unique to the region, such as Swayamvara which was rooted in the historical Vedic religion and had a strong hold in popular culture because it was the procedure used by Rama and Sita.
In a swayamvara , the girl’s parents broadcast the intent of the girl to marry and invited all interested men to be present in a wedding hall on a specific date and time. The girl, who was also often given some prior knowledge about the men or was aware of their general reputation, would circulate the hall and indicate her choice by garlanding the man she wanted to marry.
The Western world views the notion of ‘arranged marriage’ with horrified fascination; how can two adults consent to marry someone chosen for.
Your spouse is just a set of qualifications to finally one-up your neighbours or your rival at work. Stagnant social mobility, casteist educational institutions and economic inequality glom together to create families, neighbourhoods, schools, colleges and work places where everyone has similar incomes and wealth, lifestyles, intellectual interests and ambitions. In other words, the metrics of compatibility all conspire towards upholding oppressive structures.
Practicing hyper-individuality to stand out on dating apps is disenchanting, having your personhood disregarded completely is no better. Marital rape is still legal in India. Disputes and murders over dowry are regular news items.
Sima Taparia of ‘Indian Matchmaking’ on family dynamics, ghosting and failed matches
Sushmita Pathak. Is it a match? A potential couple meet up courtesy of a matchmaker in the Netflix series Indian Matchmaking.
Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking‘: The true colours of arranged marriage ain’t pretty. The show is about eight adults and matchmaker Sima ‘Mami’.
Based on criteria they provide, clients are matched with ostensibly compatible dates, but they soon find that the goal of marriage is more difficult to attain that they had hoped — even with a matchmaker who consults biological data profiles, astrologers and face readers. Listen Listening Does the addictively bingeable series provide an accurate look at the process of arranged marriage for Indians and Indian Americans in ? Indians living in India approach marriage and dating differently than Indians living in the U.
And Indians who have emigrated to the U. The point is: there is no unilateral approach. Manisha Dass also notes the diversity. There’s major differences in how people think about dating in the generations before me and definitely location as well. Income, education, profession, region, religion, parentage and skin color can all be deterrents when it comes to finding a suitable match. People will say, like: Oh no, you don’t fit one caste or the other. And I’m glad that the show didn’t shy away from them.